no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need moral support for this bender
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
