We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
