I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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