oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
