i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The feeling are messing with the penis
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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