my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
