i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
