He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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