who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
