I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
