so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
