I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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