would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize