You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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