Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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