don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
