i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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