i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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