my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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