So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
