I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
