I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
