Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
