I queefed so loud it echoed.
should my penis look like a turkey
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
