I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
