i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
