whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
