Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
