My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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