maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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