This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
