Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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