well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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