Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
