i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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