OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
