I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
