You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
