that's an acceptable place to lick
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
