The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
