it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
bring money and cleavage
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
