I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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