my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
