My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
