Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
