You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are the jesus of drinking
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
