My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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