Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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