Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
