fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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