I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
