When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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