I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
