Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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