hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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