if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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