Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
