My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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