I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
