Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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