I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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