I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
