dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
