it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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