Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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