I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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