My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
