i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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