if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize