I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
