So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
