I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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