Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
