you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
