Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
