I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
