the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
