Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
