is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
